| The Shockus Thing of the Week - Who knows? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| below: Lewinsky Rape Suspect Lineup | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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A new religion... Let us all adopt this new creed. Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the pub. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillage's, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager. BARMEN. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| This made me Laugh! heh heh heh ;-) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Male Evaluation Questionare: 1) In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: a) Lovemaking b) Screwing c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town 2) You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship b) Your blood test results c) Five tequila slammers 3) You time your orgasm so that: a) Your partner climaxes first b) You both climax simultaneously c) You don't miss SportsCenter 4) Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: a) Healthy, creative love-play b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about 5) Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is: a) The best part of the experience b) The second best part of the experience c) $100 extra 6) Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: a) Nothing to worry about; you love her anyway b) Not a problem, she can join your gym c) A conservative estimate 7) You think today's sensitive, caring man is: a) A myth b) An oxymoron c) A moron 8) Foreplay is to sex as: a) Appetizer is to entree b) Primer is to paint c) A line is to an amusement park ride 9) Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? a) "I hope we can still be friends." b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep." c) "Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU." 10) A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy b) Is uptight and a waste of time c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place Evaluating the results: If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man. If you answered "b" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused. If you answered "c" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!!!!!" | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| A dude below, and a Shockus Blonde Joke ---->>> | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
Four Blondes go into a bar and order up a round of shots. | They hoist their glasses simultaneously and with a clink shout, "Fiftyone days!!!", gleaming with pride. They order another round, clink their glasses and shout, "Fiftyone days!!!" After the third round the bartender can't resist, "Ladies, if you don't mind my asking, what are you celebrating?" The four Blondes responded, "We bought a jigsaw puzzle, and on the side of the box it said, '2 to 4 Years' but we finished it in only 51 DAYS!!!!"
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